Life update

So I haven’t posted here in a while mainly because I’ve been uninspired and unmotivated but also because I’ve been busy. My health also hasn’t been great but that’s another thing entirely. I went to the glam wedding and looked fabulous though maybe a little over dressed and there is a video on my channel of the make up I wore: Video here.

Earlier this week I was thinking of posting a new depression log and saying how things had been going okay and that it does get better. Yet this week has shown me that it’s still not gone, I had just been coping with it better. Now I’m stuck riding out the wave again waiting for this feeling to subside.

I finally got a job, a part time catering job. It makes me happy to know I’m earning money and that I’m not useless; it was helping and cheering me up. I however, was cheered up by it while I was on still waters and now the depression is looming again, clinging on to me the job is dreary and stressful. I don’t enjoy it and as a server in catering you are not treated well at all. I get shouted at if there is one crease in my white shirt I have to wear, even though they ask you to bring it to location in a bag which crinkles it. I haven’t had many shifts and I’m already fed up with it, I have never had a job that has treated me so poorly.

Unfortunately, I feel that this job has triggered me into falling back a step in my mental health recovery. The company do all sorts of events and recently a lot of weddings, my last shift was a wedding. I don’t know whether it was: the amount of people; being shouted at constantly; the fact that I have had no training so did the wrong thing; or me just feeling the pressure but it provoked me to have a panic attack. I haven’t had a panic attack for such a long time but this job pushed it. Needless to say I’m not their favourite employee and won’t be offered as many shifts now.

No job is worth risking your mental health but I will keep trying to make sure I don’t let anxiety or depression hold me back.