I wish I had the power to let things go, I struggle on a daily basis not to say everything that comes to mind which might seem a brilliant quirk to some but to me it can be just really annoying. But this makes it extremely difficult not to analysis things and have to wonder whether I have offended people, if I say something out of instinct I just cannot seem to let it go. I did one such thing yesterday which triggered a negative mood I couldn’t shake.
When in a meeting a point was raised and I asked if they were to develop on that that they could let me know to which another person in the meeting responded that it’s not finalised so don’t ask. I flipped, had a go at this person trying to justify why I said what I said, this left everything feeling tense and had to leave because I couldn’t deal with it. The trigger of being told not to say something I felt was necessary left me feeling: angry, upset and self doubting. I didn’t know what I had done wrong and the criticism made me react rashly. But if I could have just left it and not responded negatively then, maybe I could have stayed and not made myself feel like others were against me. I shouldn’t have raised my voice or let something so simple trigger me.
I hope that in the future I find the balance between speaking my mind and being polite because it’s got a little out of control. My mental health has gone from anxiety being too scared to say anything but no I’m over coming that I say too much. I guess this reflection is a step in realising and making amends, starting to move forward in my life.