Sometimes I cry for no reason. When people ask what’s wrong often what they mean what’s cause this? Or has something happened? This is often not confused or miscommunicated rather simply it is just assumed that you know why you’re crying. Most of the time there is a trigger to it but equally people don’t have to know why they are crying. It doesn’t have to be triggered by anything sometimes you just cry because you are sad and this can be at anytime even if you are enjoying your surroundings. So when someone responds with I don’t know it should be an answer to your question. They don’t know why they are upset, they just are. Also they could be upset because of everything and don’t know how to explain just being sad because you’re overwhelmed or life is just getting on top of them. Don’t pester or ask if they want to talk about it if they have already answered with I don’t know, just be there to comfort, not to talk.
Today I found myself on the floor curled up just lying there in a dark room for an hour because I couldn’t handle life at the time. I feel like those who haven’t suffered with depression often don’t realise how paralysing it can be at times. Today is not a rare occurrence I spent at least two years where this was normal for me to do everyday. It’s hard to function when you’re in a low mood but when you literally can’t even bare to sit up you know it’s bad.
Having suffered with depression for a long time it comes with ups and downs and this is not the worse episode or effect I’ve had but it is equally unhelpful to reach this low and stillness and it becomes hard not to let even more negative thoughts in. I guess for me it’s hard to not let this effect me for a while after. However, I managed to pull myself up for the rest of the day and I’m coping with things again. There are a lot of misconceptions about depression and one that really irritates me is that you just need to get out more and make friends because sometimes it’s just not physically possible. Another would be that because I get this way sometimes it means I am a constant threat to myself which equally untrue for the most part with depression you can function completely normally and without any threat to yourself or others.
I suppose if there is any message I want someone reading this to take away it is that you can pull yourself up and get on with your day no matter how hard you’ve fallen emotionally, it doesn’t last forever no low does.
It is a creative outlet more than anything, a way of expressing yourself and creating a new world to slip into. Like most game it is a social activity and it’s a good chance to meet people with similar interests to you. I enjoy my weekly game with some amazingly weird people that I would never have met without the common role play game involved.
Someone I know once said: “it’s like spending 5 hours in room vividly hallucinating with the game master guiding the hallucination”
When you start a game if you were to record it then you would have a making of a fantasy novel, a very crazy all over the place novel. It can be sad and puzzling but at the end of the day it’s enjoyable if extremely nerdy.
This week I’ve been pushing myself too do new things and go out of my comfort zone and I feel that it’s important to document. Never give up on trying new things and conquering fears. I feel so much more positive for it. So here’s some things to try:
- go for a walk in the countryside
- go find some animals
- try a new sport
- take every opportunity given without fear