Had a break

Haven’t posted in a while given that it’s been Christmas and all but it should be back on track from not on. Looking forward to writing some reflective posts now the new year is just around the corner. But for now this post is just to say holidays have been lovely and I hope yours have been too. Disappointed I didn’t quite do blogmas but there is always next year.

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Why is time off the busiest time?

The holidays used to be so relaxing when you were young and at school but now a days they are so full of travelling and people it’s hard to keep up. It’s the only time you really get to see everyone you care about but trying to fit in seeing everyone can be difficult. Running around constantly to try and make everyone happy and have time with everyone. Weren’t holidays meant to be relaxing?

I guess this is my was of saying that daily blogging is hard when is Christmas with lots of things to do and I’m sorry I’ve missed a few days.

The bedtime story I told last night

Once upon a time there was a unicorn named Bob and an elf called Phil and they lived in a small town in the middle of no where. It was so small that it meant they had little experience with the outside world, so much so that Phil had never met another elf because he was the only elf in the town they lived in. So one day they decided to set off on an adventure, to travel the world in hope of discovering new and exciting places. Being a unicorn Bob was bless with magic and therefore the power to fly. Which is how they decided to travel.

They began there journey and set off flying north but shortly after beginning they ran into a blizzard and had to land. They landed somewhere cold with very few people. But when they came across some they where dressed strangely with red and green and strips with awfully funny hats. Phil asks “where are we?” They strangely dress people replied “why, you’re in the north pole” it turns out they were elves. Phil and Bob where invited over to get out of the cold.

When they got to the elves house, it was massive and ever so magical. All busy at work though… making toys. It was Santa’s workshop and the elves were his workers. Santa comes to meet the new arrivals and they explain how they got here and Santa agrees to help them find there way home. So Bob get saddled up with the reindeer and Phil sits in the slay, they fly all around the world that night and then are dropped off home. After saying goodbye to there new friends they realise that they got there adventure and travels after all. The end.

Moving on and the lost of a sense of home

Today I came home for the holidays only to find that it doesn’t feel like home at all, looking at all the places I used to be so familiar with and just feeling distance. Before you go home for the holidays people often ask are you looking forward to it and I’m never quite sure what to answer. I generally go along the lines of ‘Oh, it’ll be nice to see the family. I’ve missed them’ but the truth is the idea of ‘going home’ is lost to me, it leaves me with a slight feeling of dread. I love my family and spending time with them, I also love the place I grew up in is lovely, however it just doesn’t feel right coming back to it.

I know I’m not the only one who feels like this especially when you are newly moved out or at uni. An issue I have with this though is that I don’t feel at home at uni either. Last year it felt easier because I could say home is where your heart is and that is where family and my partner were. This year though it’s torn in two different places, I am missing my partner who moved away with me and is up there in our apartment and I’m missing my routine and friends.

The truth is that I’ve moved on from this place, as much as it’s lovely and it has some home comforts it isn’t my home anymore. I guess that’s just part of growing up and moving out. It’s just hard when you come back and while you love the people you’d just rather be somewhere else. Hope this makes sense to someone…

Gift ideas for men

We all know men can be really hard to shop for, I find it especially hard to shop for my brothers. But here are some ideas I used:

  • If they are older than 18 then alcohol shouldn’t miss see what they drink and get them a nice bottle for me the top choice for gifts are (Baileys, Cider or Whisky).
  • A twist on a classic I used last year is socks and a bennie but the twist I hand made them.
  • A care package would be good things that men might not buy themselves with things like moisturizer, lip balm and face wipes.
  • Sweet treats never go far wrong try making some cookies, gingerbread or flavouring chocolate.
  • Another idea if they smoke might be a personalise lighter
Now to hope the men in my life don’t read this… hope it helps

My dyslexia

This is a post not really about the learning difficulty but more about how it effects me and my anxiety.

I have dyslexia but that doesn’t make me stupid…

I have been made fun of for it on many occasions and one of the things I have been called is stupid. I may have more trouble then the average person reading and writing but that doesn’t make me less intelligent.

I may have to work a bit harder than everyone else to be able to do the same thing but it’s not something that holds me back. I don’t let it. Yes I worry more about when I read in public or if I am giving an answer that might be wrong because I’ve switched some words around or numbers. I worry about being made fun of for it. But I don’t worry about it holding me back, I can just work a little harder.

So to anyone with a learning difficulty, sure people can be mean but you know what you can do. Don’t let it hold you back or stop you doing what you really want to do.

First impressions

I just had a weird and slightly awkward experience so I thought I’d blog it out. To tell this story I should probably start with context: I met a girl on a dating app and she lived only meters away, we’d been talking for a while but hadn’t met. She was always a bit hot and cold it was odd because she seemed that she liked me but I wasn’t sure. Maybe it’s just dating now a days or when you grow up a little but people never seem to be as interested as you feel they should be. She wasn’t but then again neither was I, I guess neither of us were quite sure what we wanted.

This brings us to today where I finally met her, it was nice but I can’t help feeling unsure of what it was. Yestereday, she wasn’t sure she wanted to meet. But I ended up going over to borrow some milk for a cup of tea because I really needed a cup of tea and I had no milk, plus it’s Sunday so every shop closes early so I couldn’t get any for myself. So I finally met her.

It was good, I think. We talked for like 2 hours and just listened to music, getting to know each other. But at the end she asked to call it a night, rather than keeping on talking. I got a hug goodbye so that is positive and we got on pretty well. I think it was good but I can’t help feeling like it wasn’t as good for her and that I set a bad first impression. I don’t know whether it was awkward or not. But I hope I will see her again because she’s pretty and sounds really cool, would love to spend more time with her. Maybe it’s just my anxiety making me question and worry about things. Is it rational to think like this?

Decisions

I HATE making decisions! It’s something we do everyday all the time but I find it exceptionally hard, especially when it comes to big decisions. I am currently at a cross roads not knowing what road to take, I’ve tried talking to others and praying about it but ultimately it’s my choice to make. It’s something that will change my life as I know it and I just don’t know what to do. I’m paralysed by emotion and I don’t feel like I can do it and that voice in the back of my head is telling me there is another road to take. An easy escape. A path that means I can just stop and not make this choice but in itself will end all choices, all hardship.

It crops up in dreams and takes me away, the voice in my head is just trying to say “do it, it’ll end all the pain”

Just something I’m feeling at the moment and wish I didn’t but I figured I’d write it down for others to read and respond to. Maybe Even show there not alone.   video link

Christmas hair

I’ve been dying my hair crazy colours for a while now and I don’t know if I’ll be able to go back to normal hair colours. I feel like it’s part of me and changing it gives me a fresh start and shows when different things are happening. I know I’ve done a post like this before but this is how I feel comfortable and happy, even if it is a little odd.

Here’s my Christmas hair dye look:

red and green

Sexual oriantation

Sexuality is a spectrum and there are very few that are on one side or the other a lot of people vary on the scale of gay and straight. I personal while I class myself as bisexual, would lean more to the lesbian side because I am and have always been more attracted to girls. Everyone is different in there preferences and it’s rare to find someone that has never envisioned sexy time or at least attraction to the same sex. Logically with this idea people would have to come out or label themselves as straight or gay but rather just be with who they want.

Often when people come out it’s their parents opinion they worry about most and with parents it is often hard to except. But why?

One idea is that while they may have had these thoughts and are aware of and except homosexuality it is not social convention. They worry about what people will think just as much as you do. But also most people grow up and imagine finding love, getting married and having kids, these expectations are past on to your kids when you achieve them. So parents ideally would want Grandkids which is human nature to want your genes to carry on. However, at the end of the day everyone needs to realise that society is changing and now a days it is socially expectable to be on the gay side of the spectrum and get married then maybe have kids.